Good sex tips

If you want to make the most of your sex life, these sex tips are a good way to start.

Talking and listening to each other about your feelings, preferences and desires can bring you closer together and make sex more enjoyable.

But even the most contented lovers can have fun trying new things. Here are a few ideas.

1. Build anticipation

Agree on a period of time – say one week, or whatever works for you – when you won't have orgasms or penetrative sex. At first, allow only kissing and holding each other. Gradually move on to touching and stroking each other, masturbation, oral sex, or whatever feels right for you. Avoid orgasm.

At the end of the agreed waiting period, allow yourselves the pleasure of orgasm through any kind of sex you like. This week may help heighten your senses to all the other wonderful feelings you can share when you're making love.

2. Massage

Massage can help you have very sensual sex. As part of foreplay, it's a great way to start things off slowly and relax into the feel of each other's skin as your arousal intensifies.

But a simple massage that doesn't lead to sex can also work wonders for your sex life. A non-sexual massage will familiarise (or refamiliarise) you with your partner's body, reduce stress, and reaffirm the intimacy between you.

If you don't want a massage to lead to sex, discuss this with your partner so you can avoid any misunderstanding.

Read more about why it's good to talk about sex.

3. The senses

Good sex can embrace all the senses, not just touch. Scented oil for a massage, music and candles for soft lighting can all be erotic, as well as listening to your partner's breathing and the sounds they make. But remember not to get oil on a latex condom, as this can damage it.

Taste each other as you kiss. If you both want to, you could mix food and sex – feed each other something delicious and juicy, such as strawberries.

4. Whisper

Whether it's sweet nothings or your sexy intentions, whispering things to each other can add an extra thrill. It doesn't have to be during foreplay or sex. Foreplay can start during the day with a sexy phone call or text – this could leave both of you looking forward to the event for hours or days.

This works with texts and emails, too – but make sure you send them to the right person, and remember that your employer has the right to access your work email.

5. Masturbation

Masturbation, by yourself or with your partner, can be a bonus for your sex life. Exploring your own body and sexual responses means you can share this knowledge with your partner.

Masturbating your partner can help you learn more about what turns them on. It can also be an option if one of you doesn't feel like full sex. Talk about this with your partner.

6. Sex toys

If you and your partner both feel comfortable, using sex toys can be an arousing thing to do together. Some people use vibrators (and more) as an enjoyable part of their sex life. If you've never thought about using sex toys before, how do you feel about trying them?

You can buy them online or in sex shops. You don't have to spend a fortune on toys – you can get creative. Soft hair brushes can feel great against the skin, and making your own games up can be fun.

Find out more in Are sex toys safe?

7. Read a book

There are many books that have exercises and ideas to help you achieve a fulfilling sex life, whatever your age, gender, sexual orientation or taste.

If you've never thought about buying a book about sex, why not do it now? You might wish you'd done it years ago.

8. Share fantasies and desires

Everyone has unique fantasies, tastes and preferences when it comes to sex. From earlobes to ankles, hairline to hips, pirates to picnics, don't be afraid to talk about them.

If you and your partner know about each other's turn-ons, you can make the most of them.

9. Keep it clean

We're talking about your general hygiene. You don't have to keep yourself super-scrubbed: a certain amount of sweat is fine, as long as it isn't overwhelming.

But be respectful towards your partner, and wash every day to prevent nasty smells and tastes. For specifics, read more about keeping your vagina clean and how to wash your penis.

10. Relax

Sex with a loving partner can be one of the most beautiful and intense experiences in life.

Sometimes the best sex happens when you're not worrying about making it exciting or orgasmic. Relax with your partner and great sex may find you.  

Try some relaxation tips to relieve stress.

Page last reviewed: Sat Jun 2017 Next review due: Wed Jun 2020